September 2007

All in all its a damn shitty weekend of CFB. There are only 2 games that actually matter: TooNtes WVA – USF Big Least showdown and Cal – Oregon – which is shaping up to be the most entertaining game of the season. Other than that, powerhouse matchups like Clemson vs. Gtech and Bama vs. FSU are the best games of the weekend. Ugh.

The Picks:

WVA @ USF OVER 56 – USF’s QB Grothe is solid so i expect USF to be able to put up points with WVA. USF beat WVA last season byshutting down their offense, but that just means WVA will be that much more amped to show last seasons game was a fluke. I’d consider jumping on WVA first half or on the second half if they’re down at halftime.

Cal +6.5 @ Oregon & OVER 72 – With the line getting bumped up from 3.5 to 6.5, this is obviously one of those games where Vegas is begging people to jump on Cal. Well this is one of those times I need to tell Vegas to go fuck itself, cuz their plan worked. Both offenses are the shit and neither defense is anything more than mediocre. I won’t be suprised if the total breaks 100.

Auburn @ Florida -17 – Its funny how everyone is sleeping on Florida this year. With Tebow as the full time QB their offense is much better and its fucking Florida, of course the defense is full of big time studs. This is UF’s last home game till early November and Auburn is bad this season, really bad. Florida should have this covered by halftime.

UCLA +2 @ Oregon State & UNDER 53 – I really like UCLA’s defensive matchup vs. pOSU’s offense. pOSU relies on balance so they’ll keep going to the run even when it doesn’t work cuz abandoning it and going to a pass happy offense just isn’t an option for them. And trust this, they will not be able to run the ball. Plus, pOSU just lost their best receiver. Advantage: UCLA. I’d feel A LOT more confident with St. Patrick at QB but Big Ben will get it done. He has a lot to improve on in terms of field awareness but I’m mildly optimistic he’s going to bounce back from his injury with a solid performance. I really hope the team and Dorrell finally understand that EVERY SINGLE FUCKING GAME is a must win.

Penn State @ Illinois +3 – The line opened at 3.5. That was the first red flag if you wanted to bet on Penn State. Of course Vegas knows the public is going to hammer Penn State hard with a line that low. And the Public has, with 86% on Penn State. Yet the line moved down from 3.5 to 3. *REVERSE LINE MOVE ALERT* – I have yet to see a single Illinois snap this season (I do my best to avoid Big 10 games) – but my gut tells me they pull off the upset. This is the first big football game at Illinois in like 3 centuries or something. I’m not sure thats the exact time frame, but its been a while.

usc @ Washington +20 – This is part hatred for sc and part love for Jake Locker. He’s a mobile QB. If you have any chance of covering (let alone beating) sc you have to have a mobile QB. Udub’s strength on defense is their LB’s which tells me they might be able to matchup decently with sc’s attack.

Louisville -8 @ NC State – I’m definitely going to be on The Lou in the first half as well. Two losses in a row means Louiville is out to rape some skull on Saturday.

Colorado State +10 @ TCU – Honestly, Sonny Lubick is a horrendous head coach. There’s really no reason for me to bet on them considering how hard they fucked me with their choke job vs. Houston a couple weeks back. That said, the players on CSU are legit, its just a shame their so poorly coached. I mean CSU’s coaching staff is really really really bad. Despite knowing this, I can’t help myself.

Clemon -3 @ G-Tech – Finally get to see if Clemsons young QB is legit. Altho with the offensive talent Clemson has surrounding him he would have to be Reggie Ball bad not to be able to get it done. I don’t know what happened with Gtech last week vs. Virginia, and I don’t want to know. Fuck them.

Last Week: 6-5

Season: 23-20


South Carolina + 17 @ LSU – 4 words. The Ole Ball Coach. He’s been flying under the radar, but as long as he is coaching, hes easily top 5 in the Country. LSU is worth the hype, but South Carolina should be able to make it a game and have a chance at a W, which they will most likely end up blowing.

Washington @ UCLA -6 – I have no clue what the fuck happened vs. Utah. Its an embarrassment KD will likely never live down unless he really shocks people this season and wins the Pac-10. But even then, it’ll always linger as a reminder of, yah, that shit really went down like that. What I do know is that UCLA will play hungry and bounce back. I’m sitting shotgun on the Jake Locker bandwagon but I think the UCLA offense will revert back to their performance against Stanford and light it up.

Illiniois -2.5 @ Idiana – I try to make a point of not betting on Big-10 games, but Zook is buidling a solid program at Illinois and since I’m a huge fan of Juice Williams and I think I may have heard they’ve got another QB thats even better, so either way, I’m confident Illinois’ QB will b able to pull it off on the road.

Penn State @ Michigan +3 – I think Michigan wins the Big 10 and goes to a BCS bowl. I wish I was kidding.

Georgia @ Alabama -3.5– Saban is officially the Bellichek of CFB. I liked Georgia at first glance but I wisened up real quick. Bama should take it.

Kentucky @ Arkansas OVER 66 – I really want to bet on Kentucky here, but its not safe. Arkansas is just too lethal and that Kentucky defense very likely won’t be able to hold up. That said, neither defense should be too effective. This game will be a lot of fun to watch. IF Kentucky manages to win, Andre Woodson should make the leap to a top 3 heisman candidate.

Iowa @ Wisconsin -7 – God Damnit. 3 Big Ten games. I know I’m going to regret this.

East Carolina @ WestVirginia OVER 59. I don’t really see how this game doesn’t go over which means it won’t.

Georgia Tech -3.5 @ Virginia – I think Vegas is putting too much value on the home game for Virginia. I’m pretty sure they’re simply not good enough to compete with G-Tech. It doesn’t matter where the game is played.

Colorado State +7- @ Houston – CSU has one of the most underrated QB in the country and a BRUISER at RB in Kyle Bell. The Moneyline at +260 is a solid bet as well.

Don’t nearly break hand out of frustration because of a fluke gambling loss.

It’s not officially football season until you get fucked so hard on a bet you actually wonder if God is sending a sign that maybe you should cut it out. Well fuck him and his signs.

Here’s the situation. 1st half bet on Miami -.5 and Under 22.5. $150 to win $400. I turn on the game and the scoreboard reads – Miami 14 – A&M 0 – 27 seconds left in the half. I’m already counting my money and trying to figure out what I should do for the second half.

A&M ball at their own 20 yard line. First play, fAggie RB Goodson fumbles the ball. Miami scores on a screen pass. 21-0, about 18 seconds left. That’s fine, I’m still winning the bet. The kickoff is short and goes to the fAggie center, who decides he’s going to be a hero and make a play. Wrong. He gets nailed, coughes up the ball like the douche that he is. Miami recovers, two players later Miami kicks a FG to go up 24-0.

30 seconds, 2 fumbles, 10 points and $500 down the drain. yah, that hurt. Thank God At least I didn’t end up breaking my hand, altho I came damn close since I mistook my TV for something that wouldn’t fight back. I shoulda picked on the puppie instead…

I would have pwned the Ewok lookin mutt.

As bad as two fumbles in 30 seconds to lose a bet was, it doesn’t top the Worst. Beat. Ever.*
That honor goes to the Giants-Titans game from last season. I’ve got the Giants in two bets, an 8 teamer that would have won 3,500 and a 2 teamer that would have won 1,500. (both numbers waaaaay above my pay grade) Giants are up 21-0 going into the 4th. All my other bets had hit so this was the final game. Long story short, Mathias Kiwanuka forgets he’s playing tackle football on a 4th down play that would have ended the game, King Vince takes over and my ass ends up feeling like it was just torn apart by a gang of Silverback Gorillas

*Poker Bad Beat stories are the suck. Football bad beat stories are the shit except when they happen to you.

If you’re still under the impression Roy Williams is a premier safety in the NFL, consider yourself an ignorant asshole. Sean Taylor on the other hand is a legit soopadoopahstah that doesn’t get enough credit for being one of the biggest Measts in the NFL. Dude runs like a CB and hits like an LB. What more could you want out of your safety?

The U might now have any Sean Taylors (or Devin Hesters – see below) but they still have a defense good enough to contain a one-dimensional Big-12 attack. I’ll be on Miami -3   toonite.

Hester as a Hurricane:

Last Week: 6-6

Season: 17-15

Between UCLA’s epic embarrassment, the Chargers epic letdown and everything in between (except for the Browns-Bengals game), its as tho God is trying to turn me into a soccer fan.

If you learned one thing last night, it was to not bet against West Virginia when they play under the lights on National TV. As tho West Virginia needed another playmaker, Noel Devine just might be the shiftiest player in the country…….and hes a true freshman. Huge ups to Ralph Friedgen for being a complete and total fucking moron. Great call kicking the extra point when your team is down 18 and there’s 6 minutes left in the game. Under normal circumstances I would have been shitting myself sitting on WVA -16.5……thank you for the free monies.

Tonights game is classic Friday Night Football. A matchup so worthless, the only reason anyone would watch it is because they have money on it. Which I will. High Five.

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Going with the Home Dog and the Over.

Troy +10.5 and Over 62.

Saturday Picks:

Tennesse + 7 @ Florida – These games always come down to the wire. Tennessee’s loss to Cal was completely overblown. Plus they always have a solid front 7 so they should be able to contain Urban Meyer’s cheezy offense. I’m not sold the Florida defense will be able to stop Eric Ainge. The over/under is 55, which is damn high for an SEC Rivalry game, so the OVER might be worth looking at.

Ohio State @ Washington +3.5 – Similar to last weeks Udub game vs. Boise, you just know there’s some guy out there that sees “Ohio State”, “-3.5”, “Washington” and immediately thinks to himself that Ohio State is lock. Too bad they won’t have money to pay for the rent cuz Jake Locker is the TRUTH. Sucks to be them.

UCLA -14 @ Utah – Utah has been massacred by injuries this season and its not like they were all that to begin with. This one better not be close.

Louisville @ Kentucky -6 and OVER 75 – Theres a reason this line opened at 7.5 and has been dropping all week despite the fact that the public is all over The Lou (70%). The reason is that Vegas wants you to take Louisville. This one should hit the over, as high as it is, but one Field Goal drive by either team could F it up. Btw, this is the best game of the weekend.

Arkansas +3 @ Alabama – Nick Saban is a G and will eventually turn Bama into a powerhouse. The only problem is that McFadden plays for Our-Kansas.

So yah, upgrade for the Hogs.

USC @ Nebraska +10 and UNDER 51 – This game should be a lot more competitive than last years embarrassment. sc is good but they’re not LSU or Oklahoma good yet, at least not on offense. They’ll probably win, but Nebraska will make them sweat and neither offense will be able to consistently drive the ball on the other teams defense.

Florida State -4 @ Colorado – FSU is due for a breakout game. Nothing like a shitty Big 12 opponent to boost your confidence.

Boston College +7 @ Georgia Tech – College Football usually comes down to Quarterback play and BC’s QB is top notch. 7 points is too high.

Last Week: 4-5

Season Record: 11-9

Thanks to the queer starting time of 4 pst the Ravens – Bengals game already started but its 0-0 so that doesn’t matter……..

Ravens +3

Cardinals +3

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